Old friends...new friends

This post may seem like I'm angry or hurt, but I'm just thinking about things and so they are just my thoughts. 

 It seems that as we get older and become the people that we strive to be, our friends do the same...but what happens when they are too different?  How do you end things when you love that person, but know in your heart that you are not the same people anymore and it just doesn't work. You have opposite views on Faith, family values, careers.  It feels like you're trying so hard to keep it together for the memories you made and because you truly love that person.  It just can't work out. 

 I have had friends that I thought would last my entire life and we would raise our children together.  This is just some wicked fairy tale that someone came up with because it just isn't possible.  For some reason I am attracted to people who are total opposites of me.  They were raised way different, different views on Faith, politics,  even lifestyle.  

Is this God's way of helping me deal with people that are different?  If so, why am I not making an impact on them? 

I have made lots of new friends since high school ended.  They are great friends. But are they to end up like my other "best friends"?  Am I doomed to never have a true best friend?  Why do people decide to walk out of my life as they do?  Nathan is my true best friend, but I do need a girl friend too.  My sister is a great friend, but she is also something like a mother...so of course it's not the same. Maybe someday that person will come along.  Haha, I guess since I found my soulmate so early in life I have to search my whole life for a good and true friend.  

We put him on a plane...

Nathan left today for Air Force Basic Training. I already miss him terribly.  He is my best friend in the entire world.  I have no clue how I will function without talking to him constantly.  We began at 9am today watching him take his oath.  It made me swell with pride.  We sat for quite a while before we learned what time his flight would be.  It was going to be 2:30pm so we headed to the airport to wait with him for awhile.  It was hard letting go after our hard hug, but I held back the tears and watched him stand in line for security, when I realized that was enough.  I couldn't watch anymore without crying so I just waited outside for the rest of the family to leave. I just can't wait for September 25th to be here so I can see my man in his "blues."

My husband, future Airman

My husband is truly my very best friend. Hopefully though, he will be leaving in a couple of months. Not that I don't want to be with him, but he is now in the Air Force. He joined in November and we are still waiting for him to get a job assignment and a date of departure. 

I am so proud of him. He is my hero. He encourages me every day to be the best I can be. I will be graduating May of next year and that is when I will be able to join him wherever it is that we end up. I'm open to going anywhere as long as it doesn't touch Missouri (excluding Kentucky). 

The search...

I never grew up with my father around. He left for Seattle when I was about 7 weeks old. It was not until later I found out that he had left for a job, not really to get away from us. He always called me and sent me neat little nick knacks from all the exotic places he had been traveling. He was always traveling for work. I would see him a few times a year, if not more, for my birthday and other such events. If he was unable to make it to see me for some reason I always expected some package to arrive at my door full of things he had picked up for me along his way like figurines of animals, books, unique bags. 

I loved it when he called me on the weekends. His soothing voice and his English accent made me feel like I was right beside him. As the years passed, his visits had reduced in number. His calls were further apart. It had been a year on my fourteenth birthday that I had not heard a single word from him. No boxes came, no postcards, no phone calls, not a thing. Another week went by and the phone rang. I answered and heard a familiar voice. "Brittany, it's your dad." of course I knew who it was. He told me he was in Mexico and that he couldn't find a way to call me. I was in so much shock I could barely answer him. I felt frozen. What should I have said. I don't recall what else he said to me that day, only his tone. He sounded so alone. At fourteen, I did not know how to recover the conversation, so it ended rather quickly. That was the last I ever heard from or of my father.

I have always been angry that I didn't say more to him. I should have asked questions, "where are you in Mexico?, when are you coming back?, do you live there?, how can I contact you?" Of course I knew none of that. 

I have never met his family and have no way to contact them. I don't even know their names. They are all in England. I have been searching for my dad for a few years now. The only way I can search is the internet. Without paying for bogus search results a person cannot find another. I don't know what else to do. How can this happen that a daughter cannot find at least information about her father unless she pays for it? The pain of not knowing what has happened to my father is sometimes unbearable. 

The first blog

Well, this is my first blog so it will be very short. I haven't really gotten into blogging, but now I feel it might help me out a little. Sometimes I just need to talk about anything and everything, and it can get annoying to my husband, so this is a good alternative. Of course I wouldn't be blogging about anything too personal. lol.