I never grew up with my father around. He left for Seattle when I was about 7 weeks old. It was not until later I found out that he had left for a job, not really to get away from us. He always called me and sent me neat little nick knacks from all the exotic places he had been traveling. He was always traveling for work. I would see him a few times a year, if not more, for my birthday and other such events. If he was unable to make it to see me for some reason I always expected some package to arrive at my door full of things he had picked up for me along his way like figurines of animals, books, unique bags.
I loved it when he called me on the weekends. His soothing voice and his English accent made me feel like I was right beside him. As the years passed, his visits had reduced in number. His calls were further apart. It had been a year on my fourteenth birthday that I had not heard a single word from him. No boxes came, no postcards, no phone calls, not a thing. Another week went by and the phone rang. I answered and heard a familiar voice. "Brittany, it's your dad." of course I knew who it was. He told me he was in Mexico and that he couldn't find a way to call me. I was in so much shock I could barely answer him. I felt frozen. What should I have said. I don't recall what else he said to me that day, only his tone. He sounded so alone. At fourteen, I did not know how to recover the conversation, so it ended rather quickly. That was the last I ever heard from or of my father.
I have always been angry that I didn't say more to him. I should have asked questions, "where are you in Mexico?, when are you coming back?, do you live there?, how can I contact you?" Of course I knew none of that.
I have never met his family and have no way to contact them. I don't even know their names. They are all in England. I have been searching for my dad for a few years now. The only way I can search is the internet. Without paying for bogus search results a person cannot find another. I don't know what else to do. How can this happen that a daughter cannot find at least information about her father unless she pays for it? The pain of not knowing what has happened to my father is sometimes unbearable.
